Kiss
Puke
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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