He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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