I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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