I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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