I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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