I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
