Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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