you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
