Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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