The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
