We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
