Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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