1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
