Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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