If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize