Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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