based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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