he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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