On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
