Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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