Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize