Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize