Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize