Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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