NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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