did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am spending my child support on dildos
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i out mim tonsoeep
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