I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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