Please, let me fuck your mom
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
