Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
