i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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