dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
