Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
