FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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