farters have to be the big spoon...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
