I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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