i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am naked and annoyed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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