...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
