I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
