tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
