I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
