11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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