I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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