Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
