Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
