Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
