these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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