I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
