Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
