The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
