ugly people sure do ruin things
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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