That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
