Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
