I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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