Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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