you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
