You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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