I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
