Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
