You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize