you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
