I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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