So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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