I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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