She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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