I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
