Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
