Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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