i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
