My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
