Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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