carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize