he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i now understand why vodka
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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