If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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