Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All the doctor said was why
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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