We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
