My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
