I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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