So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
