i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Im part way to drunk.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
