I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
