I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
