my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
