All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize