He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
