Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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