She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
