He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
