saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize