it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
