dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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