dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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