I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Even my vagina gasped.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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