I wanna bring you to show and tell
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we made out on top of his cat.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
