lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
