I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
