Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
