It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
