I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Enjoy the penises
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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