If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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