it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
