i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
