my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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