tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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