watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
