Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just got carded by a ten year old.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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